IN A TELECAST seen the world round, Michael Jackson, entertainer, experiment, brother and sex offender was filmed today, one final time, in a solid gold coffin.
"He's going out the way he lived," said a distraught fan, "looking like a corpse and eccentrically entombed within his vast wealth, whilst surrounded by undulating minors and overage enablers."
Al Sharpton was at hand to yell a few randomly selected words at mourners in his own wistful, aurally offensive manner, "Vanilla! Toast! Rhapsody! Functional! Leaf! Onion!" he said, then pausing, raising his hands to the lord above, before repeating, in his own, still-kind-of-loud, reverent way "onion."
The 7th place holder of Britain's Got Talent then tried consolidate his minimal fame by appearing on stage, although honestly, I wasn't really paying attention by then. I'm pretty sure he was demonstrating how Jackson liked his omelets.
Although, there was only one person who truly captivated the hearts and minds of the audience that day, who brought the crowd to tears and allowed them to grieve in the manner to which they're accustomed - this person who was, perhaps, personally closer to Michael, having, in a way, been brought up by him, and that, of course, was Trey Lorenz, former back-up singer to Mariah Carey. When asked for some words, Trey looked visibly confused as to his whereabouts, and screamed upon turning around and seeing the seventy-foot effigy of Jackson projected overhead.
A sentiment surely shared by all those present.